Wandering spirits unite

I am a wanderer of the world. Thus the title vagabond. Even within one place, I seek adventure and the unknown. I seek others' perspectives and new tastes and sounds. I've been called indecisive, irresponsible, but I think I'm just curious. What is the difference between the east and the west of Canada? The difference between the US and Canada? The difference between Hawai'i and the US? There is no true answer from a personal perspective. Mine and others' experience of these places is difference. On paper you can compare stats and government practices, and weather. But while these factors play a part in one's experience of a place, they are far from the only factor.

For me it is often the people I meet, or don't meet, and connect with. I can deal with snow, rain, humidity, being arrested for in downtown Toronto, waiting for hours in a ER, but if there's no one to go tobogganing with or bring me a snack in the waiting room, or dance in the rain with, then life is a lot harder. And I don't mean a romantic partner, just another soul floating around in the universe to have good conversations with, to make fudge with, to give you a hug.

People that live in one place and never leave seem to get so caught up in their lives that they have a hard time including newcomers. I wouldn't have survive so long as a wanderer, without all the other wanderers that have shared many beautiful moments with me.

So this post is to them, thank you for sharing your beautiful spirits with me out there is the big bad world.

Love,

Rose

Romance's ugly hold: a second eradication

I'm sure that romance can be a beautiful thing, but so far in my life romantic endeavours have been far from the picture perfect image that I have strived for since crying my eyes out as a 12 year old wondering why I did not yet have a boyfriend. I have had many positive experiences in romantic relationships, but romance's ugly head always seems to rear at some point. Why aren't things working out like I thought they would? Why am I not always the center of attention? Why isn't sex always perfect, with beautifully timed placement of hands and mouths and kisses that make you forget your name? Why aren't you perfect????!

What a high expectation to place upon someone, I've finally realized. A standard that can never be met. A giving up of oneself completely to another's wants and whims. It's quite unrealistic and realizing that has been part of growing out my ego-centered life of being a child. The number of times I've accepted a partner into my life and then belittled them for not being some impossible imaginary thing is quite sad. I can see this theme in my own life, as I tend to do it with myself. Have impossibly high expectations and then not meeting them and then belittling myself for being 'not good enough' or 'stupid' or 'lazy'. Sometime I confuse these feelings of not meeting my high expectations of myself as not doing the right thing and become quite susceptible to others' suggestions. Maybe I'm applying for jobs wrong or the wrong jobs, or doing the wrong hobbies, or eating the wrong food. But as I've strayed down to road of engaging in everyone else's advice, I've found myself as lost as before.

In the end I have the theory that I am doing it all quite right and quite well, as I am not 'lazy' or 'stupid' and I am plenty good enough. I am doing my best and I need to start given myself credit for doing so. I'm doing what I want to do, that's pretty awesome. I respect people that do what they want to do and then find the satisfaction and happiness in that. So I'm halfway there. I just need to start realizing that I am doing what I want to do, instead of constantly striving for it. Some might ask what I am doing. Well we'll save that for another post.

The point is, once I start accepting myself and my actions and my motivations, then I can engage in dialogue where I'm not afraid of being controlled by others. Because at the moment I'm afraid of suggestions because they make me feel lost because I'm not feeling very confident about myself. But I am confident about myself I'm realizing through this post.

It's all a mindset anyways.

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

I have found myself as part of a community who's values lie beyond monetary, who strive more to live for the pursuit of satisfaction then for the pursuit of comfort (satisfaction being comfortable). Wherever I have spent an extended period of time, I have ended up a part of this community as if by some sort of fate. There is one attitude that I have encountered and acquired along the way that I don't quite feel comfortable with, that of being 'guilty until proven innocent'.

People wonder how I meet my basic needs without working for more than minimum wage and sometimes having long periods of time where I don't work, where I might be traveling or learning in other unconventional ways, WWOOFing for example. I have occasionally been accused of taking advantage of others and being 'lazy'. I have encountered the attitude that I am taking advantage until I prove my worth through some sort of series of invisible tests that I must pass.

When this attitude comes to pass I feel like I will never be able to prove myself, perhaps because I can't. If someone is suspicious of me, then they will be keeping their eye out for things that could be interpreted as devious or untrustworthy instead of noticing the ways in which I am a good person. And also, If I'm feeling guilty I will be feeding this idea of distrust by acting as if I need to prove something and seeming guilty because I allowed myself to buy into that feeling.

The first and foremost way that I am able to meet my needs with what is deemed "little" money, is to reevaluate the definition of 'need'. Need to me has changed from what need was growing up. My needs bend and mesh and flex to what resources are nearby. What is available? The second is to reevaluate money. Not everything can be bought and not everything needs to be bought. What other resources do I have to offer?

I have found a variety of ways around using money, and I'm not talking about stealing, I'm talking about free piles, dumpster diving, exchanges, seeking out free activities and workshops, riding a bicycle and learning how it works, and living with people who have similar ways of life. Is this taking advantage? Who would I be taking advantage of? It's far from lazy. It takes just as much work to avoid using money as it does to earn money so you can buy convenience, as far as I can tell. It's just a different kind of work.

I'm not sure where 'guilty until proven innocent' came from, but I'm working towards eradicating it from my life.

Birthday cakes and massage outings

Last Friday: My special day this year started with a senior's home. Everyone from school went to give 2 different seniors a 2-hour massage. It went really well and I think the seniors were very appreciative. It will be the hardest massage we will ever give, first because it was our first to a stranger and second because it was very difficult to communicate since most of us didn't speak Thai. It was definitely a good experience albit a challenging one.

My birthday night was wonderful. I found a really cool bar/restaurant near my house that had live music every night and warned them in advance that a large group of Falangs (foreigners) would be showing up. Almost everyone from my massage school made an appearance! I was very touched by their wishes and the gifts they showered me with. I now am the proud owner of two ukuleles :) Let me know if anyone wants to have an uke jam!

I recieved three cakes as well, the most ever, and some lanterns which we waited till dark to set off into the air. Very beautiful. Everyone had a good time that night and there was much dancing and making merry. A party not to be forgotten. Thanks again everyone for all the birthday wishes. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Today we went to a special children's school and massaged some kids and some of their teachers. We had a lot of fun. First I had a little boy with cerebral palsy, meaning he didn't have very good control over his left side, but he was very sweet and we played a lot. Then I had a boy with severe autism which was challenging because he can't express emotion in the same way we do, so it's hard to connect with him. By the end I had him laughing by making funny noises and playing with the zippers of his pillow. Then in the afternoon I worked on a boy with blood cancer. He was so cute. He also seemed like he was emotionally challenged and had such a crooked spine that he had to be in a wheelchair. Very sad. He became very attached to me right away. Then I did another very quiet boy also with autism, who was so relaxed that he fell asleep :) A very tiring, but rewarding day.

A lot of us are glad that the course is coming to a close, only 3 more days. I've been practicing after school as well with some friends, which has been helping me to remember all the different sequences. Tonight I've taken a break though. It's my guesthouse owner's, Aoy, birthday so I got her some art supplies and a piece of cake from the shopping center. I've made plans to spend some time with my friend Aude from France on Saturday before I head out in the evening and am looking forward to that. On Friday afternoon we're having a little celebration at school for our graduating class with some food and a ceremony and then I'm sure some people will be going out in the evening, but I'm not sure I'll join them. I am feeling so tired.

This Thursday is a big festival called Loi Katong, which the city has been preparing for since November started. There are fireworks going off every night and laterns being set out into the sky. They look like orange coloured stars. On Thursday there will be many more laterns and a big display of fireworks, as well as candles being floated down the river. I will go out with Aoy and her son and maybe if there's anyone else in the guesthouse that wants to join, to see some of the displays. It's meant to be very beautiful, so I'm looking forward to it.

Busy, busy, busy!

This will probably be my last post before I head home. Much aloha for you readings :) Pehaps I shall continue from beautiful Kauai.

A bit of massage here and there

It's funny how time passes when you're away floating around. It seems as if all the friends and family that are in other countries live their lives in fast forward, whilst I am still moving at a normal pace. I can now understand why grandparents may still treat us as if we are much younger than we feel ourselves.

I am into the 3rd week of my Thai massage course and I can't say that it is what I expected considering I made the decision to attend so quickly that I didn't really have the chance to expect anything. But I'm enjoying it. It's a different kind of massage than I am used to. We are currently discussing the 10 energy lines and a lot of the massage follows these lines to unblock energy blocks and relieve people of different kinds of ailments. All very interesting stuff.

This morning we did a special Thai ceremony to honour our teachers and the teachers that came before them. We each brought a flower to school and an alter was set up and we did our prayers all together setting our flowers on the alter and bowing to the buddah. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Each morning we all do our prayers in smaller groups, but it was a nice sound to hear everyone as one voice together, much more powerful and beautiful.

Massage is exhausting to say the least. We spend the entire day either massaging or being massage and it sounds wonderful, but really it's very hard to enjoy. While I am being massaged I am usually focusing on the technique of my partner and going through the sequences in my mind as they do them to my body, making sure I have the number of each sequence correct in my head.

A few of us girls go to yoga each week and there are lots of get togethers outside of school with the other massures. Movies nights, girly-boy shows, dinners, elephant treks. I don't know how everyone does it, by the weekend I'm usually so wiped I end up spending a lot of my time reading in bed. But considering that the weekend after next is my birthday, the big 24, I'm going to try and make an exception and organize a little dinner gathering in celebration.

There are plenty of other interesting people at the school, including yogis, massueurs of different varietys, travellers, and all ages as well. I've had many a interesting conversation and am going to try out a digestive system cleanse that was recommended to me by the yogi specifically tomorrow. Wish me luck. It doesn't sound as gross as the cleanse another friend is doing that involves grapefruit juice and olive oil...  We all are into weird things to say the least :)

I'm enjoying being amongst a bunch of weirdos, I fit in nicely and am constantly entertained. There is much laughter at all times.

Looking forward to heading home, just 2 1/2 weeks to go!

The Mystery of the Market

I was invited to go the market in the wee hours of the morning this morning by a woman orginating in Japan, living in Amsterdam, and owning a cafe in Thailand that teaches microbiotic cooking and theroy. Say that 3 times fast! A very interesting woman to say the least and speaks a variety of languages, one of them handily Thai which is a great asset when going to a market where you are the ONLY white person. Not that I minded, and no one really paid me much attention. It was very fun.

They have quite the variety of different foods. The market is held next to the mosque so there was quiet a variety of middle eastern halal foods, people come down from the mountains and over from Myanmar. Lots of avocados, vegetables, chilli concotions, soybean products, whole dead chickens of the white or black type, a variety of smells certain to please anyone. We had doughnuts dipped in molasses, I tasted many things that I can't pronounce, some more familiar falafels and samosas, and we had a soybean soup which was quite gelantenous, but also very delicious!

The market is quite a popular concept here in Thailand, and is gaining popularity more and more around the world. You can find a market just about any day here in Chiang Mai. There is a particular Sunday market that I've been frequenting each week. It's visited by tourists and locals alike and is live with music and food and various wares for sale. Some of the most interesting things I've seen is a food stall selling only deep fried insects, some of them quite large in size! You can even smell the oil as you pass by. Some of the more tasty foods that I've seen are bananas and grapes dipped in chocolate, smoothies and fruit juices everywhere, banana leaves piled with little fried quail eggs or noodles, phad thai (which has continued to disappoint me in Thailand), there are many different foods to be had.

The market is so big that I still haven't see all of it and it gets so busy as the evening wares away to night that you often find yourself slowly inching your way between stalls surrounded by other people, which I find a bit clautrophobic and exhausting after my limit of 2ish hours. There are so many colourful things to look at, paintings, and dresses, and baggy pants in all shapes, colours and sizes. And bargaining is always welcome. The typical thai pants are not so typical after all, I've only really seen tourist wear this baggy monstrous things, all the Thai people seem to be wearing normal tshirts and tank tops just like the western world. I have to admit to owning quite a few pairs myself :O

Markets are fun. Great place to just people watch if you're not in the mood to buy anything. Find a curb, plop yourself down with some watermelon juice, and you'll see all kinds of different people speaking ALL kinds of different languages. No end to entertainment.

The Shopping Mall Experience

I went to the mall today and really took a look around. It felt like a very foreign place. I'm not one to go to the mall even when I'm home, but somehow it was more interesting in Thailand. It's a very strange place, the mall. It could almost be an American mall, but there are so many clues as to the fact that it is a very, very Thai mall.

My first clue was when I kept getting randomly lost down these hall ways that seemed endless and when I got to the end of them I wasn't really sure what a lot of the stores supplied. I followed a sign for about five minutes that led down one such hallway, it was advertising the "IT store". I was really curious what 'it' could be. Is 'it' even a That word? I think not. It ended up being an electronics store, not very interesting. Except for the fact that it looks like laptops cost as much as cars, due to the fact that prices are in baht.

There was another hallway I wandered down with loud music and noises. I just followed the noise past random shops that were hard to identify, lots of game machine tooooo... a whole section set up with booths to play video-game karoke! And there wasn't even an empty booth for me to play :( I'll have to run there before school gets out next time :) Seems to be the 'thing to do' after school hours. Shove as many people as you can into a tiny room and sing away! 

Another clue telling me I am not in Kansas anymore, was when I headed upstairs to follow a craving for some comfort food. A big red glowing "DQ" sign. Dairy Queen is the original mcflurry. I don't care what McDonald's has to say about it, they totally stole the idea and DQ has better flavors, RESSES. Although I'm sure they don't have an inkling what peanutbutter is in this country, so of course they didn't have Resses. BUT if I really wanted to I could have gotten a waffle cone with corn ice cream. CORN, really! Big yellow kernals of it mixed into white soft serve. I went with the safe dipped in chocolate variety myself, but I was a bit tempted. Why make it if it isn't good right? Somebody must eat it.

Since I am taking my foot reflexology course I had the mission of finding all the materials I needed to practice. It's always good to have a mission when you enter a shopping mall, or you get lost, or maybe that's just me :) Foot cream was on my list, and while I was scouring the pharmacy shelves for cream, I just happened upon the lustrious and wonderful 'beer and egg' shampoo. LOL! I couldn't help but secretly smile to myself. Really I need a friend to laugh with. I hope you guys think these things are funny and I'm not just slowly going crazy unbeknowst to myself...tell me if I am would yah?

Crazy Thai people with beer shampoo and doughnut sushi and tiny, tiny clothing. I'm always afraid to try anything on because I'm not sure if my size is really my size. What if nothing fits me? It would be embarrassing to carry all these clothes to the changing room, if I could figure out how to get to one, and then all things are too small.

The whole thing was a mystery to me. A shopping mall of mysteries.

I wonder what Thai people think of us when they come to our shopping malls?