On death and dying

Death is a subject that hasn't really had much meaning to me until the more recent years. When I was young I remember the first person that died was my GG, great grandmother. I think I knew what it meant at the time, and I remember wanting to go to the funeral, but I wasn't allowed. So I was curious about what exactly went on at funerals, I had seen them in films, but I hadn't experienced one.

Until later on my Aunt May, who is an old girlfriend of my grandfather, but is pretty much family at this point, lost her husband Erwin. I don't ever remember meeting him, but I ended up visiting my grandparents while his funeral was taking place. I can't remember what happened exactly, but I remember there being a 'forbidden room' that was allocated for the family to go and cry. After the service was over, grandma and granddad took me outside because they said it was time for the viewing where the casket was to be opened and only close family was allowed. I an adolescent at the time and I wanted to see a dead body! I still didn't understand what it felt like to lose someone and to me it was just a fascinating opportunity, but I did what they told me followed them out.

Then over my teenage years my great uncle died, a coworker of mine and another of my brother's, people I knew, but I didn't see often. This was when I started to experience the sadness that came with death.

Now as an 'adult' or young adult, my uncle and my cousin died in a plane crash last year and I experienced the devastation of death. I couldn't move or breath when I found out. It was a similar experience to after I had been mugged when I was 17 and had first moved to Montreal for my studies.

Later in the year last year I was driving home from work with my boyfriend at the time and we were the first two people to come across a man who had flipped his car and died. I will never be able to rid myself of the image of him hanging out the window of the flipped car and his life slipping away before my very eyes. It seemed such an intimate moment for me to be witnessing of a stranger. Who am I to be there for the moment of his death? I've not even been to more than one funeral and I wasn't allowed to see the dead body. It was the first dead person I saw. Again it made me frozen and unable to speak or breath. All I could do was stand and stare while my boyfriend called the police. I was afraid to be alone for at least a week. All the fears I had when I was a child about monsters under the bed and darkness and just plain irrational thoughts overflowed my mind. Eventually enough time passed that I thought I got over it.

Why do people cover their mouths when they look at something terrible? I have to say that is what I did.

More recently I've dealt with the death of my boss, where I worked at the wake and watched how the relatives and close friends of this man I had never met dealt with his death. I went out the back for a snack and encountered Mark's brother-in-law who was losing it because of a song that came on the record player and went to go hide away. Who am I to witness this man in his grief?

It is allowing me to learn what to say, which is generally nothing, and to be more comfortable in the wake of death. Since Mark, two other coworkers have lost family and friends. It's a death party right now. I'm wondering to myself if there is a death epidemic or if this is just life. Just a part of life that seemed mysterious and hidden and now that I live in the 'real world', it is everywhere.

The last death that made me need to write this, was a 4 year old boy. There's a school next to my house and a boy ran in front of a car and died last Friday. It looked just like when I came across the accident in Ontario, the road blocked off, police taking photos, people crowding round and staring, flashing lights. Thankfully, this time I was on the outside of the police tape. It really made me sad when I saw the little boy's shoes still lying in the road.

Those thoughts and feelings from the Ontario accident came rushing back that night, and I had a hard time sleeping and a hard time snapping out of a weird disconnected state of mind. Little kids aren't supposed to run in front of cars, that only happens in movies, and in movies they always stop just in time.

One thing that gives me a bit of perspective was listening to my friend Danika describe what it was like to witness the earthquake in Haiti. There were so many dead bodies that you didn't even notice anymore. They were no longer people.

Death is a cultural construct. From how we express ourselves about it, how we celebrate it, how we mourn. It is something that I wish I had more exposure to at a young age. Not exposure in that I wish more people died, but I wish it was talked about more freely, in front of me, with me, around me. Demystifying it, making it less of a secret.

Who knows?

Golden Plains Music Fest!

Hey Hey all my blog followers. I have recently attended my 2nd music festival and the 1st overnight one at that. Twas a lovely weekend with heaps of sun, music and fun. I'll do a little photo journal for yah.

 I was feeling a bit nervous about going by myself for two days and two nights, but as per usual, my mouth got the better of me and I made a 'festival family' on the shuttle from the city before I even arrived at the festival. They're all from Brisbane, so I'll have a place to stay when I head that way.

 Here's the home I had for the weekend. Set it all up myself, on loan from my housemate, but I'll sure have to get myself a 'traveling home' one day.

It was very cosy...and blueeee

Mine was just one of many in a giant tent city. I could've stayed for longer....

Soon enough you're going to ask...Where are the toilets? Golden Plains, which is the name of the festival, is held on farmland near a small town called Meredith which is about 90 minutes outside the city of Melbourne. They try hard to keep the land as pristine as possible and minimize the impact of a large group of drunk and dirty hippies :)

Isn't shit lovely?

There were quite a few different food stalls to choose from, in case you forgot how to pack the correct food for camping, which I did. Always a learning experience. The Hare Krishna curries seem to be a staple everywhere I go in Australia.

Soon after arrival, it was time to set up for the festivities. Why didn't I think to shove a couch into my backpack???

They have a tradition at the festival that if you like the band, you take off one shoe and wave it in the air. These people perhaps had left their shoes at their tents? Or they're new like me :)

Some guys played some music. This is the Hold Steady, loved the name, but didn't get too into their music.

 Eventually the day had to come to an end...I guess. And that was when I stopped taking photos.

The next day was just as awesome and I also had to do my volunteer shift, as I got a free ticket in exchange for volunteering some of my time to make sure everyone was okay in all the different tent cities. My shift was Sunday night from 12am to 3am. I was paired with a girl named Rosemary and we had an awesome time handing out water and lollies to passerbys. They were all very greatful, we felt a bit like red cross workers in a lose sense of the term. Then this awesome girl came by and we had a little bit of a girl's night, chatting and laughing and dissing men. It was all very fun and healthy for us ;)

That was my festival. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.

Love.

The Greatest Adventure

Some of the neighbors gave us some veggies and these purple beans were some of the score. They're so beautiful. Once you cut into them they look just as green as any other bean!

I had heaps of parsley growing in the garden, so I decided to make a rainbow tabbouleh salad. Garlic, lemon juice, olive oil, parsley, zucchini, garlic chives, carrot, couscous...mmmmmm.

Then I was all fueled up to go on a sweet bike adventure!

So I set off towards the light at the end of the tunnel, where I knew happiness would await me...in the form of mad amounts of endorphins.

I traversed DANGEROUS cement obstacles!

And underpasses...lots of cement...

And fought off large creatures that leered at me as I passed by. I only just escaped!

The last creature consumed me! But I used my girl power karate moves to get him to barf me back up.

Only to end up at the end of the path with no where to go!

I found the place where there were more scary monsters! I guess this is where all that cement came from...

Upon the direction of a fellow pedestrian, I came across The Road That Leads to Nowhere... And decided I would take my chances.

I ended up crossing over some serious highways! Good thing I avoided that near death experience. I don't think my little blue bike could handle such speeds.

I finally came upon a bike path by chance that was lovely and calm and peaceful.

I came across a friendly palm tree that offered me some shade from the tumultuous journey I had just gone through. 

So I kicked off my sweaty shoes and socks.

And accepted her kind offer,

And ate a small picnic.

After my R & R session I headed for the beach nearby for a bit of a dip and a scour of what lie on the beach...

And I did find some interesting creatures that must have come from outerspace...

I now have a completely different concept for the term 'jelly bean'. I have no idea what this last picture is of.

All in all, I mad it home in once piece and my zucchini friend was waiting. 

I found this guy in my backyard yesterday. Not too such what I'll do with him yet, but perhaps make another meal that will be the start of my next ADVENTURE!

A quick blah

My dear lovely followers. I'm sorry to say I've been neglecting you a bit. But I've mostly been working and not much else, so little news here and there. I've gathered it up and tied it with a ribbon for you to unfold here....

I had my first couchsurfer stay with me. Her name was Meggie and she was from Quebec, so I got to practice my french a bit more. She was absolutely lovely and all you could ask for in a surfer: polite, kind, a really cool girl.

One of her goals was to taste Kangeroo, so here is the kangeroo we bought at the Victoria Markets, marinated in pepper sauce and cooked ever so quickly on the grill so as to not let it get tough. 

Along with salad from the garden and some roast potatoes, it was DELCIOUS!

Otherwise we also had a lovely fish dinner together that she made, with grilled veggies and avocado and pear! MMMmmm. It's nice to have another woman around the house. I'm overwhelmed by male energy at times with the 2 boys and me. We had some wine and girl talks and she'll be returning again in a couple of weeks.

Otherwise, I'm off to my second music festival. I was lucky enough to get a free ticket to the 5th Golden Plains festival which is next weekend. 

http://goldenplains.com.au/

I got a wicked free ticket for offering to be a volunteer, so I just have to do a bit of looking after people for a few hours and I'm free to enjoy the rest of the festival.

I've just bought a ticket to Tasmania, where I'll be doing some WWOOFing. I've met a lady from there, who is now a friend and is going to hook me UP to the WWOOFing community in Tassie, as she and so many others so lovingly call it. I'm really excited. I'm taking the ferry over on May 1. I'll miss my life in Melbourne for sure, I've really been making a home for myself here, but alas I'm out to see the world and that is what I'll do! I'll pass back though Melbs on my way to my next destination and say hello.

So that is what's up.

Mostly for my mum's sake I thought I'd do a bit of a post. But I love you all and I'll try tah keep up with myself ;)